Quite A Bit Of Pressure (Translated Thai Joke)

Today’s Translated Thai Joke, below, comes to you in illustrated form courtesy of Thailand’s massive “Fan Club Man U” – and its members’ no-bull approach to appraising their team.

Welcome to Old Trafford, Angel Di Maria! Good luck handling the pressure.

“Quite A Bit Of Pressure”


In case you can’t read the cartoon:

Juan Mata: “Angel…you’re going to be under quite a bit of pressure in the first match.”
Angel Di Maria: “Because I’m wearing the #7 shirt and the club paid a lot of money to buy me, right?”
Mata: “No…because Young, Evans, Jones, and Fletcher are all playing.”
Di Maria: “…………”

The New Secretary (Translated Thai Joke)

Thais love jokes. Especially blue jokes. As a proud member of an all-Thai (besides me) group chat on Line, I’m privy to a constant stream of off-color Thai humor. I’ve decided I’ll translate the jokes that come my way for the enjoyment of the Anglophone world. (Disclaimer: I take no credit for the content of these jokes. The faint of heart and weak of stomach should read no further.)

“The New Secretary”

Mr. Krieger is interviewing a new secretary.
Mr. Krieger: Turn around, please.
Secretary: Yes, sir.
Mr. Krieger wraps his arms around her and places a palm over each of her breasts.
Mr. Krieger: Do you know what I’m doing?
Secretary: Measuring for my shirt size, sir.
Mr. Krieger, breathing deeply, passes his nose along the secretary’s neck and up and down the side of her face.
Mr. Krieger: Do you know what I’m doing now?
Secretary: Checking for body odor, sir.
Mr. Krieger begins removing the secretary’s clothing, one piece at a time.
Mr. Krieger: How about now? Do you know what I’m doing?
Secretary: Reviewing my general bodily health, sir.
Finally, all of the secretary’s clothing has been removed.
Mr. Krieger: And do you know what I’m doing now?
Secretary: Yes, sir. You’re performing some type of acupuncture to help cure my AIDS!