The first match of Group D is our second match of this massive Saturday. South American powerhouse and two-time World Cup champions Uruguay take on the “Ticos” of Costa Rica. The other two teams in this group play later; they are England (one World Cup) and Italy (four World Cups), which means Costa Rica can rightly feel aggrieved to have been drawn into this difficult group. They may present some problems for their three opponents – if only because they’re not a widely recognizable bunch and they usually put up a mighty defensive wall.
Colombia vs. Greece (Group C)
Saturday’s first match (out of FOUR!) features Colombia and Greece, two teams that will be hoping to escape from a group full of parity, if not quality. There’s no real powerhouse nation here, but Japan and Ivory Coast feature terrific athletes and technical capability. Greece may be the weakest team in the group on paper, but they looked like one of the weakest teams in the tournament when they shockingly won Euro 2004, too. They’re always defensively solid and play with intense pride. Colombia are bursting with skill, but are missing some key players through injury, including star striker Radamel Falcao. Still, it should be fun to watch players like key player James Rodriguez, on whose movement throughout the game you should keep an eye.
Chile vs. Australia (Group B)
Game Three of this action-packed Friday is the second match in group B, featuring Australia and Chile. Chile are a thrilling team and Australia have a lot of exciting youngsters, but the two big fish in this group played earlier.
Spain vs. Holland (Group B)
Game Two of today’s football bonanza is a rematch of the 2010 World Cup final, an occasion not remembered so much for the beauty of its football as for the savagery of the Dutch side that day. Even when they don’t turn outright violent, big matches are often marred by the overly cautious approaches of all involved. Today, however, should be a watchable encounter; this is the first game in Group B, so there’s less to lose.
Mexico vs. Cameroon (Group A)
The second day of World Cup 2014 action begins with the second match from Group A. Brazil beat Croatia 3-1 in yesterday’s opening match. Now, Mexico and Cameroon face off, and both will feel encouraged by Croatia’s defeat yesterday. The sense in group A, reasonably, is that everyone is playing for second place after Brazil. We should see an open, exciting match, since both teams now see three points as a springboard to the second round.
Brazil vs. Croatia (Group A)
Today is the first day of the 2014 World Cup! This edition of the world’s most beloved sporting event starts with a bang, as two excellent footballing nations square off. Croatia, despite its population of only about five million, took third in the 1998 World Cup in France and regularly supplies players to the world’s top teams, such as Real Madrid and Bayern Munich. Brazil really needs no introduction; the nation that has won more World Cups (five) than any other is famous for the quality of its futebol even outside soccer circles.
Talley’s World Cup Watching Guide
I’m an experienced watcher of soccer/football/futebol. If you’re not, I’m going to upgrade you right now. Here’s how I’m watching and what I’m watching for.
The Football
Counterintuitively, an important part of the World Cup is actually the ball. Without the ball, it’s hard to understand what’s going on. If you’re new to the game, you’ll probably just watch the ball the whole time. That’s fine. There will be plenty of on-the-ball skill in this World Cup. Experienced fans: Don’t forget to pay attention to the ball.
The Tactics
Seasoned football fans will probably be looking out for the tactical plans of the involved teams. The best way to learn about strategy in general and these 32 teams in particular is to read Zonal Marking, an excellent website that has just finished a comprehensive, team-by-team tactical rundown. Try following the activity of the two players ZM has picked out as each team’s key actor, and you’ll be surprised how well you begin to see the shape of the rest of the team.
The Commentators
Critiquing commentators is the typical football fan’s favorite extracurricular activity. We glorify in Ray Hudson’s flights of fancy and despair at Taylor Twellman’s grating inanity. Who can forget Adrian Healey’s famous call as Holland destroyed France in 2008: “It’s a Dutch Oven, and the French…are toast”? A good commentating team can make a match much more enjoyable. A bad commentating team can do the same, if they’re comically rather than offensively bad. But beware such commentators as Eric Wynalda and Gus Johnson. Just turn it off.
Here’s a pretty good review of the commentators involved this month. The first game is Ian Darke and Steve McManaman. Enjoy – they’re among the best out there. Here’s the commentary schedule for the rest of the Cup.
What To Drink
Your drink must match your team. Check out this unofficial list of national drinks and get your fandom and fundom on the same page.
What To Wear
See above. Your clothing must also match your national team. If you can’t afford the real thing, just get the colors right.
In Your Head: One Way to Make Friends in Thailand
Thai people love music. Everyone is willing to sing – if not necessarily able – at a moment’s notice and in any company. I’ve found the quickest way to a Thai heart is through music. Those who carry a guitar into the Land of Smiles are not likely to leave with any confusion about the source of that nickname.
Like much of Thai culture, Thai music is, by American standards, very centralized. At any given time, there are four or five hot songs that the whole country is singing and playing. (Right now, those songs are ภูมิแพ้กรุงเทพ, อาย, แค่คุณ, ขอใจเธอแลกเบอร์โทร, ผมรักเมืองไทย, and แน่นอก. Or, in English, “Allergic to Bangkok,” “Shy,” “Only You,” “Can I Have Your Heart and Your Number?”, “I Love Thailand,” and “Tight-Chested.” Thai songs are almost exclusively about love or Thailand or both.) If you can play any of this group of popular songs (or any of the Thai Oldies that everyone knows), and especially if you can fake your way through the chorus in broken Thai, you’re golden. You’re the most popular Farang in the province.
But the good news if you’re not interested in singing Thai songs is that Thai pop culture also recognizes, apparently universally, a number of English tunes. The bad news is that the list of English-speaking artists popular in Thailand reads like a Who’s Who of the worst musicians ever to enter a recording studio: Bieber, Aaron McCartney, and Selena Gomez for the kids; the likes of Michael Learns to Rock and Leo Sayer for the older crowd. Even when a better band (Pearl Jam, for instance) pops up, it’s represented by a dreadful song (“Better Man,” for instance).
WITH ONE EXCEPTION: The Cranberries’ “Zombie.” Every man, woman, and child in Thailand – as in the rest of the civilized world – loves “Zombie.” I know I love “Zombie.” I know you love “Zombie,” since you obviously have the brainpower to have read this far. Everyone loves “Zombie,” as everyone should.
So we’ve got A) a playable popular English song, and B) an audience that never tires of listening to a limited number of songs. Taken together, those two circumstances add up to this convenient truth: all you have to do to be popular in Thailand is learn to play “Zombie” and whip it out every time it’s requested. (That’ll be often. I’ve worn grooves into my guitar in the finger positions for “Zombie.” I believe if I start the song now, I can just put the guitar down and it knows what to do on its own, freeing me to focus on singing the In Your Heads up an octave.)
That’s all there is to it. Learn “Zombie” and you’re a star in Thailand. I’ll update this with an instructional video soon.
Allergic to Bangkok
It’s hard for me to overstate how corny Thai pop culture can sometimes be, so I’ll let Thai pop culture attempt to overstate its own corniness. Here’s a literal translation of the chorus of the most popular song in the country right now, “ภูมิแพ้กรุงเทพฯ” (“Allergic to Bangkok”).
Him: Since I came and met you I’ve been nothing but extremely happy.
I want to sing to keep you from turning away from helping to heal my heart.
Her: Dear brother, if you speak truly, I’m sure to accept.
If you haven’t come to trick me, I’ll love you with all my heart.
Him: I haven’t come to trick you!
Both: Our love will surely last a really long time.
Full disclosure: I love this effin’ song and its music video. This is just pure Thailand. You don’t need to understand a word of Thai to get the point. Enjoy!
Babe’s New Word: “Utrifuce”
My brother Babe and I are surely not the first football fans to note the close resemblance between Manchester City winger Jesús Navas and the mental image of the Antichrist that all Christians are presumably born with. From the ostentatiously Christianic name to the gaunt, sand-burned countenance, and from the choice of club to the deeply, deeply disturbing eyes, everything about the man says, “I’m a demon and I’m going to lead you to Hell.”
We might, however, be the first Navas-watchers to accidentally assign him his very own Antichristian verb. Exactly what act the verb in question describes is currently disputed, but its newness means it may be assumed, at present, to belong singularly to Navas, though it may in future be appropriated by any number of Infernal terrors. Here it is:
Utrifuce.
In fact, by pure chance, Babe’s New Word is a study in the power of phonemic association. By combining the repugnance of “putrefaction” with the religiosity of “crucifix” and the insidious coercion of “seduce,” “utrifuce” dictates its own meaning. See below for the felicitous textual intercourse that produced Babe’s New Word, and let’s all pray that today’s Swansea City match in Manchester passes without utrifiction.
Babe: Watching UCL?
Babe: Anti-Jesus Navas just utrifuced against Viktoria Plzen
Babe: 🙂
Babe: Johnny Ev can only finish from under 3 feet
Talley: What on earth is utrifuced
Babe: Haha it sounds right in that context with the Czech names or whatever. It was supposed to be introduced but I like utrifuced better
. . .
Talley: Dude I can’t stop thinking about “utrifuced.” If “utrifuce” were a verb, it would surely have been used only once in history, in the book of Revelations, to describe some sort of ritual or metamorphosis that the Antichrist must undertake to steal a soul or rule the world. That word is so perfect for antichristian activity.
Talley: It sounds terrifying
Talley: I’m imagining Navas just stopping in the middle of the game, spreading his arms, looking upward, and sprouting the head of a terrible bird as the ground falls away around him
Talley: Lolololol I’m dying right now how did you accidentally come up with that perfect word
Babe: Hahaha I couldn’t change it, it sounded too good
Babe: I don’t know it was a brilliant stroke of accidental type luck
Babe: I know, it’s amazing that it happened in the context of describing the Antichrist. It sounds so archaically evil. Utrifuce.
Thanks for reading. Feel free to come up with your own Navas-inspired vocabulary in the comments.